I don’t know why or what instigated my path to who I am today but my youth was filled with moments where I repeatedly learnt to sabotage my true potential and hideout in a naturally reflexive way. It’s something that came naturally, even when I tried to fight it, I ended up losing to myself and being submissive. My shadow, my fear was merely being visible to the world.
Throughout my whole life, I have never felt free to be who I really was, to feel what I felt, to desire what I desired and to pursue what my nature intended. I became armoured against myself. Until I lost who I was forever. I was trying so hard not to be me at all, that I forgot who I really am. Now I’m lost, wandering aimlessly in my head, searching for an answer. And all the answers I do find are never satisfying, leaving me standing in front of more questions, still searching in vain.