…And I Wake Up To Realize I’m Dead

I remember my body hitting the sand as I fell backwards. I remember making no move to get up. I remember the velvet of the midnight blue sky turning red. I remember the clouds forming faces laughing at me. I was on numb on a soft bed of sand. I was vulnerable. Yet I was free. Now I lived a free life, but I could never seek redemption inside my head. All my avenues of escape led me back to where I began, and which begrudgingly I learned to call my home.

Today the chaos has receded and the sweet smell of escape has overpowered me. It took hold of me and pushed me to the ground. Lightning coloured the sky for a few seconds. The world was turning. Life was changing. Reality became different and I took a step further than any other day. New perceptions were placed in my eyes, but the color was changing fast. I failed to catch nothing but a quick glimpse of what was in store for me. The shadows hung up the stars again and I was left alone on the sand by a thousand angels. I have never come this close to the light. I have never come so fucking close.

And then just as it had begun, it ended. Without warning everything was back to normal, back to plan, back to concept. I started to forget the little things that mattered. The little things. Only a matter of time till I forget how long just a little goes. I become what I hated once again. There is no cure for this. I am me again. A fucking monster.

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The End Where It All Began

It’s easier to live when nobody is watching.

And it’s been a while since I came back to where I really belong, although I deny myself of my existence. My reality. I need my inner peace, more than I thought I would. Opening the doors only brought in more violence to the mind, and for being a lover of peace, an apostle of harmony, I built up such a war inside.

I need this room to sit down, heal the battle wounds. The scars will remain but it will remind me everytime I look in the mirror, just where my journey took me and who I had become for 729 days. I don’t know if I would ever go back. I don’t know because sometimes it still haunts me and pulls me back a little closer to the past.

The beauty of this room cannot be expressed. People see the beauty, yet fail to understand its grandiosity. How important this room is. What unlimited potential it holds. Oh if only you could see. But the things I want to show you are not visible to the naked eye, my dear. And right now all you can see is all that is visible to the naked eye. Nothing less. Nothing more. But I say we keep it that way. I’ve got more to lose than you. And I’m not ready to lose any more.

I guess this is the end. Where it all begins.